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Reflections on Purity Weekend

November 1, 2010

It’s over and I survived.   All of my girls know about “the birds and the bees” and I lived to tell the tale.  A few weeks ago, I took my youngest daughter on “Purity Weekend”–my fourth and last.  You’d think I’d have felt relieved, but I found my feelings to be different.

When we started the tradition of Purity Weekend with our oldest daughter, I was insecure, uncertain, and fearful.  How will I know when she’s ready?  How will I know when I’m ready?  What if I say something wrong?  What if I forget something?  I recognized the need to inform my daughter about the creation of new life, but I felt completely unprepared.  Since I was raised in a very modest home, this topic wasn’t discussed and the thought of having such personal discussions made me quite uncomfortable.  After much research, I collected some resources and planned the special event.  It was a great success.

As I prepared for our third daughter’s Purity Weekend, God impressed me to write a collection of information and object lessons to help parents inform their daughter about purity, sexuality and courtship.  The Gift of Purity:  Letters to a Daughter About Guarding Her Heart was released in April, 2009.  For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this resource, here is a short diary of how we used The Gift of Purity for Abigail’s Purity Weekend.

The week before the event I made an invitation for Abigail, telling her of the dates of her Purity Weekend and time we would be leaving.  I kept the location, the topics, and my planned activities a surprise.  Although it would’ve been great to mail the invitation, I ended up sliding it under her door.  With tears running down her cheeks she ran down the stairs and hugged me, hardly believing that the day had finally come.

When the big day arrived, Abigail and I loaded the van, said our good-byes.  As we drove, I hinted around a bit and then asked her if she wanted to get her ears pierced—something she had been anxiously awaiting for several years.  She was ecstatic and a little nervous, but so excited when she saw the results.  After dinner we checked into our oceanfront hotel at the beach (a great deal on Expedia).  She was overwhelmed by the ocean view.  We got settled in and then sat outside on the balcony as we completed the first section entitled, “Purity,” defining purity using biblical standards.  Abigail enjoyed the “Purity Point” object lesson demonstrating that you can’t identify pure water by sight alone.  We closed in prayer as together we dedicated each part of our body to our Lord and Savior.

Our Father gave us the beautiful gift of a clear morning and a glorious sunrise.  We completed the second section of letters about God’s creation of intimacy in marriage and the object lesson demonstrating the power of sexual intimacy to tie two people together.  We finished with some warnings of how Satan tries to pervert God’s precious gift.  The sunny day beckoned us out of the hotel room and we walked several blocks to a little restaurant serving a great breakfast buffet and some gigantic chocolate chip pancakes.  As we walked back to the restaurant, we visited a few shops and crossed a few things off our Christmas shopping list.

Back at the hotel, we began the last section of The Gift of Purity, entitled “Courtship.”  Abigail was sad when she realized it was the last section.  We talked about the difference between courtship and dating and why her dad and I had chosen courtship as the process to discover her spouse.  The “Purity Point” object lesson reminded her that giving away a kiss is giving away a little of her purity.  When we concluded, she joyfully agreed to abide by the process of courtship and signed the Commitment to Courtship.

Now it was time for some fun!  We drove to a local spa where I had scheduled an appointment for a manicure.  The spa was lovely and her technician made her feel like a pampered princess.  Her first professional manicure, it was a memorable experience for one who wants to study cosmetology.  We returned to our hotel just in time to change our clothes and freshen up before dinner.

Abigail and I decided to take pictures on the boardwalk before going to dinner.  Actually, I decided that because it was a set up for Abigail.  I told her we’d ask someone to take our picture together, so I called to a man nearby, “Sir, could you please take our picture?”  Abigail immediately recognized her father, the would-be photographer.  Surprise and joy in her heart brought tears to her eyes.  For several moments, she was completely still in her daddy’s embrace and then together we drove to our dinner destination.

Over dinner we talked of courtship and the commitment Abigail and I had just signed.  Harold reminded her of her preciousness and presented her with a lovely purity ring.  Again, tears swelled in her eyes as Dad slipped it on her finger.  The three of us continued our celebration.  Abigail repeatedly looked at her manicure and the lovely ring on her finger—I’m not sure which one she liked more!  Dad returned home after dinner while Abigail and I stayed at the hotel one more night.  Neither of us wanted it to end.  Following a relaxing night of sleep, we gathered our belongings, checked out of the hotel, and arrived at home in time for our Saturday morning pancake breakfast.

Purity Weekend is over, but every one of the girls has mentioned that they want to go again.  I’ve told them that there isn’t anything else I have to tell them, but they insist it doesn’t matter.  According to my four delightful daughters, the best part is just being together.  I enjoyed the time as much as they did.  Maybe I’ll start another tradition.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Debby Williams permalink
    November 2, 2010 10:27 am

    Joy – Loved reading this! How old is your daughter? Did she have any clue about what you were going to talk to her about before your great weekend together? Also, I don’t wear jewelry, so what other item of significance do you think we could use in place of the purity ring?

    Thanks as always!

    Debby
    Chattanooga, TN

    • November 2, 2010 11:17 am

      Debby,
      Glad you enjoyed our story. Abigail is 12. Some might think her young for such a discussion but I feel that if she can have a baby, she should know how that happens. I don’t think she had any idea what we were going to discuss, especially since we had had no previous discussion about intimacy in marriage. Instead of a ring, you could give something special like a small cedar chest with a lock and key, a framed print or picture, a lovely silver brush and mirror set, or something else long-lasting that she could display in her room to remind her of her commitment. An engraved ink pen would be special, but could potentially be lost if she carries it with her. I’m sure God will show you what will best bless your daughter. Blessings to your and your daughter, Joy

  2. Miki Baxter permalink
    November 2, 2010 9:59 pm

    This brought tears to my eyes, Joy! What a wonderful and beautiful time. I look forward to doing the same for my daughter, and even arranging something like this for my boys. Miki

    • November 3, 2010 6:18 am

      Miki, I was just thinking of you last week! Hope all is going well. I wanted to let you know that a friend from church with 6 boys has been writing some resources for boys, but as yet nothing is complete. I will certainly pass the information along when it’s available. Love to you and your family. Joy

  3. Abigail Moore permalink
    November 3, 2010 7:49 pm

    Mom,
    Thanks so much for taking me! I enjoyed every moment we had together. I can say for sure that I like the ring much better than my nails. Love you so much!!! Thanks again!!!
    Much Love,
    Abigail 🙂

  4. December 5, 2013 9:03 pm

    I LOVED reading this! Thank you for sharing.

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