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A Commitment to Purity

July 2, 2010

Over the past several years, the concept of purity rings has grown increasingly popular in the Christian community.  While the article is about jewelry for daughters, I believe that it is equally important for sons to have a symbol of their commitment to purity.  So much emphasis is placed on the ring, but it is a only a symbol of a more important commitment made.

The Commitment
Harold and I made individual commitments to purity before we met, but they were commitments from our hearts and not with written or spoken words.  Our desire was to be more intentional with our daughters, calling them to a commitment of purity in body, mind, and spirit—not just before marriage but for all of their days on this earth.  We chose to discuss this topic during what we call “Purity Weekend”—a mother/daughter overnight get-a-way when we first discussed intimacy in marriage as well as courtship and the biblical standard of purity.  (The Gift of Purity includes a schedule as well as all information necessary to conduct a purity weekend for your daughter.)  At the conclusion of our weekend together, Harold surprised our daughter and joined us for dinner.  After dinner, we returned back to the hotel where we were staying and Harold talked with them, recounting our weekend discussions about the biblical command for purity, calling them to a point of verbal response.  He then presented his princess with a lovely purity ring, symbolizing her commitment to purity.  He explained what the ring meant and placed it on her finger.  It was a significant and emotional moment for all of us.

Purity Rings vs. Promise Rings
Lately I’ve heard the words “purity ring” and “promise ring” used interchangeably.  I understand that a promise ring could reflect a commitment to keep one’s promise to remain pure until marriage; however a pre-engagement ring symbolizing a commitment to a future together is also called a promise ring.  In order to most clearly communicate, we have chosen to use the term “purity ring” to describe the ring our girls wear on the ring finger of their left hand as a symbol of their commitment to purity in body, mind, and spirit both before and after they are married.

Our Choices
At the writing of this article, our oldest three daughters wear purity rings given to them by their father at the conclusion of their individual purity weekend.  (The youngest is anxiously awaiting her purity weekend.)  Each ring is unique and suits the wearer perfectly, though none of the rings was labeled as a “purity ring.”  We purchased all three rings on sale from local jewelers.  Our oldest daughter wears a gold ring with a red stone in a heart-like shape; the second daughter has a gold heart and white gold heart intertwined; the third daughter treasures her white gold band with three tiny stones.
When we were purchasing rings, we took into account the following requirements:  We looked for a simple, yet beautiful design that was symbolic and meaningful.  Not knowing when she will marry, we wanted a ring she would be proud to wear even as a grown woman.  We wanted the ring to be long-lasting and reflect both her value and the value of her purity.  While some parents may be concerned about giving a young person something so valuable, I’ve found that their ring is so precious to them that they care for it and guard it carefully.

Your Choices
Since purity rings have become much more acceptable in our culture, you can find purity rings for sale at several local and chain jewelry stores as well as numerous online outlets.  Two popular styles available to order online are The Gift Wrapped Heart Purity Ring and The Unblossomed Rose Purity Ring.  (I’m not providing a link since these are available from many online retailers.)  I’ve also found reasonably priced quality rings at and
If you think your daughter would rather not wear a ring, you may want to consider a “purity necklace.”    There are several choices available through Pumpkin Seed Press, here.

Make a Choice
There is no right or wrong when it comes to purity rings or purity jewelry.  There is no perfect symbol—only the perfect symbol for your daughter.  Your daughter is a unique individual designed by the Master Creator.  As you make your choice, think about who she is, her interests, what she values, her favorite color, and all the other characteristics that make her so special.  Ask God to help you choose something you think she’ll love, but remember the ring is only a symbol of a personal commitment to purity.  May God lead you as you bless your children and lead them to walk in purity all the days of their lives.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. Katie Walker permalink
    July 5, 2010 8:10 am

    At what age did you have your purity weekend? Did you combine this with a menstrual cycle conversation? Our daughter is 10 and starting to need bras. I’d like to have a weekend with her to present these as well as information about the menstrual cycle, but feel like the physical consummation of marriage conversation may be a year off. However, I would like to give her some type of ring and the book The Princess Kiss and talk about guarding her kiss. Ideas?

    Katie Walker

    • July 5, 2010 10:17 am

      Good question, Katy. About 10 years ago I was in the same boat with my oldest. Her body was starting to change and I wasn’t ready for a discussion about intimacy in marriage. I was unable to find a Christian book to use to explain menstruation, so God helped me to write a short book called Lady Day, available in our online store. This book discusses only the changes in her body and does not address intimacy in marriage. We had “Lady Day” when our girls were about 10. (For more info, read my post:

      We finished the story with The Gift of Purity which defines purity, discusses sexuality in the context of marriage, how Satan perverts it, and the last chapter discusses courtship as an alternative to dating. This was a mother/daughter weekend get-a-way when the girls were 12 or 13, based on their physical maturity, emotional maturity and curiosity! My opinion is that if they can have a baby, they should know how that happens. We had a discussion about purity during the weekend and gave her a purity ring after we called her to a verbal commitment. (For more inf, read my post: With the middle two girls, we followed up by giving her “Before You Meet Prince Charming,” a great book about courtship written for younger teens.

      As far as the Princess and the Kiss, I think the book is appropriate for any age older than 4. There is also an accompanying study based on the book. It is recommended for grades 3-7, however I did it last year with my 6th and 8th grader and they knew much of the material already. I think it would be best for grades 4-5. There is a “kiss necklace” available to give to your daughter as a reminder to guard her kiss. We opted to save the ring for her purity weekend.

      Hope this gives you some ideas for your daughter. May God bless you as you guide your daughter on the path of purity!

  2. July 8, 2010 7:24 pm

    Daughter4God – Thank you for the excellent post. I am with you 100% in supporting your pursuit for purity for men and women. God bless.

    Katie – What a great idea about reading The Princess Kiss. Good luck with your talk. I know how difficult those can be.

    • July 10, 2010 7:49 am

      Thanks for your support! I believe we’re living in the age of a moral revolution. Yes, some young people are choosing to give away the precious gift of their purity, but I also know of many young men and women, both Christians and non-Christians, who are choosing to give that gift to their future spouse. May God strengthen this generation as they swim upstream in our culture!

  3. Sherillyn Pacus permalink
    April 19, 2016 11:27 am

    Can you share the resources on what is to be discuss? It is my first time too, and I have 3 daughters!! This would be the 1st daughter!!

    • April 19, 2016 11:48 am

      How exciting, Sherillyn! I’m not sure the ages of your daughters, so I’ll give you several options and you can choose what works best. If your daughter is under 12, you may consider Lady Day, a short book of letters to a daughter about her changing body–no information about boys or marital intimacy. You can read more about it in this post. For daughters who are asking questions, consider The Gift of Purity, which this article refers to. There are three main sections in the book: Purity, Sexuality, and Courtship, all presented with Biblical references. I understand that everyone has their own ideas about courtship, so I intended that this would open a discussion of what it means to your family. For more information on how to use this book you can check out this article.
      I hope this helps you. If you have a more specific question, I’d be happy to answer.
      Blessings to you and your family!

  4. Jen permalink
    January 21, 2018 3:02 am

    Is there anything available for girls 15/16?

    • January 22, 2018 5:35 pm

      I think it’s wonderful that you are talking about this subject with your teen daughter! I have had a few parents who purchased “Gift of Purity” for their older girls. While the information is appropriate for younger girls, I don’t think it is too babyish for the older ones. You can certainly guide the conversations that would make the topics even more applicable to their current situations. You may also consider “And the Bride Wore White” by Dannah Gresh, though it focuses on sexuality only and is much more frank than “Gift of Purity.” You may want to preview it to make sure it is suitable for your daughter. If you are interested, you can purchase “Gift of Purity” online at

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